Ho letto questo libro qualche mese fa e finalmente ho avuto la mia mezz'ora d'insonnia per farne una recensione.
[ P.S.: Sono venuta a conoscenza dell'esistenza di Betsy Taylor grazie ad una recensione in questo sito:
http://www.anitablake.it/altriautori.html (e mi sto leggendo un romanzo di ogni autrice citata – seguiranno pertanto altre mie recensioni sulle letture future). ]
Titolo: Undead and unwed
Autrice: MaryJanice Davidson
Serie: Betsy Taylor (book 1)
Libro autoconclusivo: sì
Lingua: Inglese
Tradotto in italiano: no (almeno, non ancora)
Betsy è una segretaria senza un capello fuori posto con due grandi passioni: le scarpe ed i vestiti; seguono a ruota: gli amici, indispettire la matrigna arrivista, rompere la condizione di zittellaggio citata nel titolo e, con un netto distacco, tutto il resto.
Elisabeth Taylor (che per ovvie ragioni si fa chiamare soltanto Betsy) è una segretaria, anzi
era, il libro inizia con il suo licenziamento, prosegue con la sua morte (tutto nello stesso giorno -
“ The day I died started out bad and got worse in a hurry.”) e lo shockante risveglio in una bara. Shockante invero, non solo per via del 'dove', ma soprattutto per il fatto di ritrovarsi infilata in un orrendo completo rosa da due soldi rifilatogli dalla matrigna (che nel frattempo, per aggiungere orrore su orrore, ha anche ripulito l'armadio della protagonista delle sue preziosissime Manolo ancora prima che questa fosse definitivamente sepolta).
Che cosa è successo? Come può Betsy, morta perché investita da un'auto, essere diventata una vampira? Cosa ha a che fare questa bionda maniaca della messa in piega con quella bislacca profezia che gira fra i non-morti?
Il tono del libro è sul comico-demenziale andante, una demenzialità riuscita, perché fa ridere veramente.
Il mondo dei vampiri di Betsy è quello gotico e classico descritto in tanti B-movie dell'orrore. Nessun 'outing' tanto di moda nei romanzi moderni, tutt'altro: i vampiri vestono in frac e vivono in inquietanti magioni; si tengono ben nascosti dal resto del mondo e si riuniscono per i loro riti nelle cripte fangose e putrescenti dei cimiteri; i loro branchi sono formati da un vero e proprio master e dai suoi succubi.
Tutto secondo i cliché, insomma, e viene raccontato in maniera esilarante attraverso gli occhi della protagonista, vampiro decisamente atipico il cui destino è portare scompiglio in questo ordine delle cose. Una specie di Buffy the Vampireslayer al contrario, prescelta dal fato non per uccidere ma per rivoluzionare la società vampiresca.
Immancabile inoltre la scena di sesso, anche questo raccontato sopra le righe, in maniera troppo sguaiata per essere erotico, dove le dimensioni artistiche raggiungono nuovi traguardi record.
Il libro viene narrato in prima persona, la costruzione delle frasi è facilmente comprensibile, c'è però qualche espressione gergale che non si trova sui vocabolari e che chi, come me, mastica un “inglese medio” non ha modo di decifrare. Alcuni riferimenti alla cultura americana televisiva e cinematografica non sono comprensibili per un pubblico italiano ma questo non guasta affatto il divertimento del resto del libro, anche perché il senso del discorso si capisce lostesso.
Il pezzetto iniziale del libro per testare la difficoltà dell'inglese in cui è scritto:
The day I died started out bad and got worse in a hurry.
I hit my snooze alarm a few too many times and was late for work. And didn’t have time for breakfast. Okay, that’s a lie, I gobbled a pair of chocolate Pop Tarts while waiting for the bus. My mom would have approved (who do you think got me hooked on the darned things?), but a nutritionist would have smacked me upside the head with her calorie counter.
At a nine a.m. meeting I found out the recession (the one the President has been denying for two years) had hit me right between the eyes: I had been laid off. Not unexpected, but it hurt, just the same. They had to slash costs, and god forbid any of senior management be shown the door. Nope; the clerks and secretaries had been deemed expendable.
I cleaned out my desk, avoided the way my co-workers were avoiding looking at me (the ones left, that is), and scuttled home.
As I walked through my front door I saw my answering machine light winking at me like a small black dragon. The message was from my stepmonster: “Your father and I won’t be able to make it to your party tonight…I just realized we have an earlier commitment. Sorry.” Sure you are, jerk. “Have fun without us.” No problem. “Maybe you’ll meet someone tonight.” Translation: Maybe some poor slob will marry you and take you off my hands. My stepmonster had, from day one, related to me in only one way: as a rival for her new husband’s affections.
I went into the kitchen to feed my cat, and that’s when I noticed she’d run away again. Always looking for adventure, my Giselle (although it’s more like I’m her Betsy).
I looked at the clock. My, my. Not even noon.
Happy birthday to me.
Ed ecco il "risveglio":
My next memory was of opening my eyes to pure darkness. When I was a kid I read a short story about a preacher who went to Hell, and when he got there he discovered the dead didn’t have eyelids, so they couldn’t close their eyes to block out the horror. Right away I knew I wasn’t in Hell, since I couldn’t see a thing.
I wriggled experimentally. I was in a small, closed space, which was an intriguing combination of soft and hard. I was lying on something hard, but the sides of my little cage were padded. If this was a hospital room, it was the strangest one ever. And where was everybody? I wriggled some more, then had a brainstorm and sat up. My head banged into something soft/hard, which gave way when I shoved. Then I was sitting up, blinking in the gloom.
At first I thought I was in a large, industrial kitchen.
Then I realized I was sitting in a coffin. Which had been placed on a large, stainless steel table. Which meant this wasn’t a kitchen, this was—
I nearly broke something scrambling out. As it was, I moved too quickly and the coffin and I tumbled off the table and onto the floor. I felt the shock in my knees as I hit and didn’t care; in a flash I was on my feet and running.
I burst through the doors and found myself in a large, wood-paneled entryway. It was even gloomier in here; there were no windows that I could see, just rows and rows of coat racks. At the far end of the entry was a tall, wild-eyed blonde dressed in an absurd pink suit. She might have been pretty if she wasn’t wearing orange blusher and too much blue eye shadow. Her brownish-rose lipstick was all wrong for her face, too. She was so shockingly pale, just about any makeup would have been wrong for her.
She wobbled toward me on cheap shoes—Payless, buy one pair get the second at half price—and I saw her hair was actually quite nice: shoulder-length, with a cute flip at the ends and interesting streaky highlights.
Interesting Shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights.
The woman in the awful suit was me. The woman in the cheap shoes was me!
I staggered closer to the mirror, wide-eyed. Yes, it was really me, and yes, I looked this awful. Well, why wouldn’t I? I was dead, wasn’t I? That silly ass in the Pontiac Aztek had killed me, hadn’t he?
I was dead but too dumb to lie down.